Reflection by Melissa Carnell
“With full intensity we seek.” To sit quietly is not laziness. The “deep within” is not withdrawal from responsibility. Thirst for stillness and rest is not apathy.
No, “with full intensity we seek.” Alive and focused. Brave enough for stillness we finally have a chance. Finally have a chance to hear the voice of the Lord saying “Who shall I send?” And with full intensity we might have passion inside to respond, “Here I am. Send me.”
We find a direction, a sense of purpose. And we likely long for that purpose to be specific. For a sign to come down from the heavens that says, “Do THIS THING for me.” But “a fresh sense of order” is not a plan. To” bring meaning to our chaos” is not to tame it, but to learn to live with its reality. To find that chaos is not the enemy, lack of meaning is. Spiritual writer Richard Rohr reminds us that the real suffering of our main is lack of meaning. Once we find and create meaning, our suffering becomes manageable, tolerable, almost full of direction.
That “direction” and “purpose” though, is only found when we realize that it doesn’t arrive in the form of the grand sign from the heavens, but in the whisper of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness.” Has this ever happened to you? Has suffering ever softened you? I know when illness has struck in my own life, I certainly wail and bemoan the unknown and the pain. But eventually, if I can ask God to meet me there, something happens and the confusion and chaos open my heart to others’ who are also hurting in similar and different ways. I find myself more patient with what others might be facing, more kind when confronted with people I call annoying, more generous with my judgments and my resources.
The structure and meaning we seek might not be detailed answers but signposts to our deeper selves where love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, and faithfulness can flourish.
This is why retreats and other silent practices are part of most spiritual traditions. Not because God speaks to us more on retreats than in our daily lives, but because on retreat, in the stillness, we are more available to hear. To channel our intensity into our purpose.
To distill the chaos into love. To dance with confusion into joy To face lack of order with patience To soften into kindness To open into generosity To focus our lives into faithfulness
Melissa Carnell lives in New Orleans and is Hospital Chaplain.