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Day 4

Updated: May 23, 2020

“Our spirits resound with clashing, with noisy silences,”

Psalm 142

“1 With my voice I cry out to the LORD;

with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.

2 I pour out my complaint before him;

I tell my trouble before him.

3 When my spirit faints within me,

you know my way!

In the path where I walk

they have hidden a trap for me.

4 Look to the right and see:

there is none who takes notice of me;

no refuge remains to me;

no one cares for my soul.

5 I cry to you, O LORD;

I say, “You are my refuge,

my portion in the land of the living.”

6 Attend to my cry,

for I am brought very low!

Deliver me from my persecutors,

for they are too strong for me!

7 Bring me out of prison,

that I may give thanks to your name!

The righteous will surround me,

for you will deal bountifully with me.”


Matthew 4:1-11

“1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” 4 But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”


5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple 6 and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and “‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”


7 Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” 8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9 And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” 10 Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord your God

and him only shall you serve.’”


11 Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.”


Reflection:

Please note that this reflection contains a discussion of suicide. Should you need it the suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255 and the website for National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is suicidepreventionlifeline.org.


We all have to face suicide sometimes. Many of us had to walk away from the ledge in quite literal ways. In the scripture today, we hear of Jesus walking away from the ledge in a different sense. The devil offers him a temporary glimpse of untold pleasures and total happiness, but, of course, both the pleasures and the happiness would be limited. If the Lord would have taken up the Devil on his offer, what would have followed is god falling into annihilation and the rest of the world after Him. To Jesus, therefore, the choice was easy. “Away from me, Satan.”


In the second reading we learn that if God would hide his face from us, we would “be like those who go down to the pit.” The contrast is against God’s “unfailing love.” In this Psalm, as in the Gospel, total love and total annihilation go hand in hand. In both of the readings the protagonist, Jesus, in the gospel, and King David, in the psalm, faces a choice, or, said differently, stands between two extreme feelings and is to choose which of those feelings to let come over them.


This is a different kind of choice than usual choices. Usual choices focus on behaviors, do this or do that. But this is more subtle, it is choosing between two different ways of thinking, or, said differently, between holding out the possibility of love in the face of total fear. We know what that feels like today. With COVID raging outsides, or sometimes even in our homes, our “spirit grows faint within me.”


There is an even deeper point these narratives share that tie with our poetic line, “Our spirits resound with clashings, with noisy silences” … noisy silences. Jesus “was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.” David, while not explicit about his location nevertheless compares himself to “a parched land.” When we spend time with ourselves for an extended amount of time, we sometimes run into things we do not like. When we listen to the silence in our homes, when our lives slow down, perhaps unwillingly, and we run out of distractions, the forms that arise from our minds may be dark. It may be depression about not having enough friends. It may be distasteful memories about previous medical encounters we have not fully processed. It can be thoughts of what we wished we were, or wanted to do, but couldn’t. All of these are faces of the Devil attacking us in the wilderness.


But what Jesus knows, and David discovers, is that immediately on the other side of that darkness there is a “morning.” Jesus is our light, so he doesn’t have to seek it. Nevertheless, when the devil leaves him, “angels came and attended him.” Both the prophet and our God, abruptly, brusquely, switch from gloom to glory. It is important to note the speed at which these texts transition between darkness and light. There are no gradual transitions – both are pivots. This is intentional. “Answer me quickly, Lord.” There are breakthroughs each of us must push through in order to find what is on the other side.


And so we come to suicide, the theme introduced at the beginning. Suicide is a temptation away from life. It is the furthermost point from feeling truly in our lives and when we turn away from it and decide to truly live we discover an almost dizzying effect with which life comes rushing back in. “Our spirits resound with clashings”… these clashings are painful parts of ourselves which hum, unseen, until enough quiet, such as social distancing, shine the spotlight onto what was hiding. The effect, when that first happens, is painful, shocking, “crushes me to the ground.” God is not masochistic. There is a point here. Grit your teeth, because just on the other side of this initial shock there is a whole lot of self to love.


As part of this reflection, write

  • What are some parts of yourself the COVID-19 crisis has shown to you that you did not want to know about?

  • What unusual or uncomfortable emotions come up as you are forced to spend more time with yourself that you usually do?

  • What are some characteristics of your personality were surprisingly powerful or useful as you transition to “the new normal?”

  • What pieces of your faith help you discover the patience needed to discover what is on the other side of this crisis?

- Reflection by Emil Moldovan



 


The Way of Beauty:

Labyrinths are a beautiful practice of prayer. As you enter the path, you can hold an intention of a specific prayer request, mantra, scripture phrase, or spiritual image. Hold this until you walk towards the middle, and then “give it to God” before moving back towards going out. The beauty of a labyrinth journey is that you can not get lost, as there is only one way in and the same way back out. Staying open to knowing this 14-day retreat can be a resource to help us discover what is on the other side of this crisis. Since you are in two weeks of solitude and may not have access to a socially distanced labyrinth, enjoy this finger labyrinth which allows the path to appear wherever you are.



The Contemplative Mystical Way:

Our feelings and experiences rise and fall as waves, as does our experience of closeness with the Divine, or connection with our essential selves. In times of hardship, trust that God is intrinsically with you, closer and more natural than each and every inhalation and exhalation. Wear comfortable clothes, and practice this movement today, as an act of worship and thanksgiving to our creator. Breathe in healing Grace, breathe out peace and patience as your body moves, as you take in the beauty of the collective ocean that God has created in our souls. If yoga is not possible for your body, prepare a pot of tea with full mental concentration and think about the nuance and complexity of our body, the mind boggling requirements of cells and nerves to work in such beautiful shared purpose, and how easily we can become inured to the myriad miracles of each day. We are miracles, and we are never alone.


The Way of Practical Action:

Call or video chat with a loved one or old friend. Hear how they are, and share honestly how you are. Don’t call because you are compelled by this exercise, but because you wish to give that time to them. Allow yourself the time to connect with them fully; give an hour to a ten-minute conversation. Share yourself with them, and allow them to share with you.



Prayer:

God of all, we come before you with all our noisy silences, with our pains and fears, and moments where the ocean waves tower over us as we shiver in terror. Hold us in your gentle hands, and guide us to an awareness of your Divine navigation. You cradle us even when we are buffeted by the winds, and You are our safe harbor. Remind us we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, and give us eyes to see all the other boats that are with us in these powerful seas. Let us trust your deep currents, and You will guide us onward for the expansion of the Kingdom, and for honing the beauty of our souls. We pray for strength, and for your Wisdom to flow through us as hope-bringers. Amen.

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